How to Tell if the Driver in the Next Vehicle is from Texas

28 July, 2009 at 9:45 am | In Texas, driving, idiot, stupidity | Leave a Comment

Here’s a checklist to help folks from the upper forty-nine identify drivers from the Lone Star State. Answer the following questions Yes or No:

  1. Is the driver’s vehicle bigger than yours?
  2. Have you seen the driver cut across more than two lanes to make a turn?
  3. Has this driver been driving in the left-hand lane for the last forty miles of an empty highway, moving to the right lane only when another car overtakes his/hers?
  4. Have you seen this vehicle parked on the wrong side of the street (i.e. on the left-hand side, facing oncoming cars)?
  5. Does the driver swing out to the left and then come to a near-complete stop to make a right turn?
  6. Does the driver refuse to pull over for approaching emergency ambulances, but pull over and stop for a funeral procession, even on the other side of a divided highway?
  7. Does the driver tailgate other cars on a two-lane road until they pull over on the shoulder to let him/her pass without leaving the through lane?
  8. When entering a multiple lane highway, does the driver swoop from the entrance ramp to the far left lane in a single lane change?
  9. Does the driver seem utterly baffled by cloverleaf highway interchanges?
  10. When making a left turn from a side street or driveway, does the driver seem unfazed about blocking traffic from the left while waiting for traffic in the other direction to clear?
  11. Is the driver aggressive or even hostile to pedestrians and cyclists (except for children)?
  12. Does the driver drive 65-70 MPH in a 50 MPH zone, but 15 MPH in a 25 MPH zone?

Scoring Key (number of “Yes” answers):

  • 3 or fewer: Nahhhh, this one’s probably from South Dakota
  • 4 to 6: Not likely
  • 7 to 9: Might be from Chicago or New Jersey
  • 10 or more: That wallet or purse contains a Texas Driver License!

I Am Sick of You People

22 June, 2009 at 8:08 pm | In Uncategorized | Leave a Comment
Tags: , , ,

I walked into the men’s room at my office building today to find that the last person in the room had strategically placed yesterday’s Parade magazine on the floor. Underneath the urinal. To catch the drips.

If you didn’t see yesterday’s Parade – the Father’s Day issue – here’s the cover photo (copyright 2009, Parade):

062109COV-big

Yes, folks, a photograph of the President of the United States and his two adolescent daughters; left underneath a urinal in an expression of some dittohead’s disdain. This from the same people who squalled incessantly about how much they wanted Clinton impeached for “disrespecting” the office of the President.

Welcome to Texas, land of idiots.

On the Sociological Implications of Expressing Differing Opinions

28 May, 2009 at 9:36 am | In Limbaugh, Savage, censorship, culture, idiot, stupidity, talk radio | Leave a Comment

Someone called me a “shill” today, because I had a different opinion about a company than his. Someone else told me I obviously had a vendetta against an author because I’d read (and disliked) a book of hers even after disliking her previous book – and, of course, because he thought she was the second coming of Jane Austen or perhaps Ayn Rand.

What’s the deal, huh? Where did this attitude of “You disagree with me, so you are either an idiot, a liar, or both!” come from? Well, I have a theory…

It’s rooted in talk radio, especially shows featuring bombastic hosts like Limbaugh and Savage, hosts whose M.O. when confronted by a differing opinion is usually to

  • raise the volume on their own microphones while lowering that of the other guy
  • shout baseless insults
  • spin partial facts or make up “factoids” to refute the opposing argument
  • disconnect if the caller can’t be goaded into hanging up

Is that the definition of narrow-minded, or what?

Apparently, it’s learned behavior: if your role models regularly treat differing opinions as a symptom of stupidity,  so will you. Just one more reason not to listen to talk radio. You learn that instead of articulating opinions, one need only ridicule the opinions of others.

So sad.

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