MumbleVille

I’ll admit it: I’m pretty much a grump when it comes to English usage. No descriptivist “singular they” for me; and you’ll not hear me say, “of course it’s a word: you just used it!” I’m a great deal closer to the prescriptive end of the usage spectrum than the people who would allow such grammatical sins.

As do most people who observe the ebb and flow of grammar, I occasionally find myself peevish over the rise of an oddball (that’s my gentle way of saying “incorrect”) usage. For today, the pet peeve I’ve heard one time too many is a little grammatical hiccough I like to call “the Weatherman’s Possessive.” I’m sure you’ve heard it uttered; it seems that every weatherperson on every television (and radio) station I’ve tuned to in the past few years has used it. He or she will be describing an approaching thunderstorm and, in dulcet broadcaster tones, aver, “For you folks in Washington, there’s a powerful cell passing to your south.” You didn’t get it, did you? Let’s try it again: “Springfield and Decatur, the front is just now approaching from your north.”

What’s wrong with that, you wonder? Well, it’s quite simple: a direction cannot be your (or my) north, south, east, or west; for the compass points are defined relative to the Earth’s poles (and magnetic field). No matter which way a person turns, North will always be in the same direction. The compass directions are absolute directions. An orientation that depends on which way a person is facing – left, right, front, rear – is a relative direction.

Doesn’t make sense? Well, there are two other absolute directions; the directions defined relative to the Earth’s gravity. Does “The bird is flying in your up,” or “There’s a cave in your down,” grate on your ears? Because those two usages are every bit as logical as “There’s a minimart to your south.”

Offhand, I don’t know why television weatherfolk use the construction; “to your south” is the same number of syllables as “south of you.” I guess they’re just semiliterate.

Such is life; but at least I feel a little better now.