MumbleVille

Here’s a checklist to help folks from the upper forty-nine identify drivers from the Lone Star State. Answer the following questions Yes or No:

1. Is the driver’s vehicle bigger than yours?
2. Have you seen the driver cut across more than two lanes to make a turn?
3. Has this driver been driving in the left-hand lane for the last forty miles of an empty highway, moving to the right lane only when another car overtakes his/hers?
4. Have you seen this vehicle parked on the wrong side of the street (i.e. on the left-hand side, facing oncoming cars)?
5. Does the driver swing out to the left and then come to a near-complete stop to make a right turn?
6. Does the driver refuse to pull over for approaching emergency ambulances, but pull over and stop for a funeral procession, even on the other side of a divided highway?
7. Does the driver tailgate other cars on a two-lane road until they pull over on the shoulder to let him/her pass without leaving the through lane?
8. When entering a multiple lane highway, does the driver swoop from the entrance ramp to the far left lane in a single lane change?
9. Does the driver seem utterly baffled by cloverleaf highway interchanges?
10. When making a left turn from a side street or driveway, does the driver seem unfazed about blocking traffic from the left while waiting for traffic in the other direction to clear?
11. Is the driver aggressive or even hostile to pedestrians and cyclists (except for children)?
12. Does the driver drive 65-70 MPH in a 50 MPH zone, but 15 MPH in a 25 MPH zone?

Scoring Key (number of “Yes” answers):

• 3 or fewer: Nahhhh, this one’s probably from South Dakota
• 4 to 6: Not likely
• 7 to 9: Might be from Chicago or New Jersey
• 10 or more: That wallet or purse contains a Texas Driver License!