I Am Sick of You People

22 June, 2009 at 8:08 pm | In Uncategorized | Leave a Comment
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I walked into the men’s room at my office building today to find that the last person in the room had strategically placed yesterday’s Parade magazine on the floor. Underneath the urinal. To catch the drips.

If you didn’t see yesterday’s Parade – the Father’s Day issue – here’s the cover photo (copyright 2009, Parade):

062109COV-big

Yes, folks, a photograph of the President of the United States and his two adolescent daughters; left underneath a urinal in an expression of some dittohead’s disdain. This from the same people who squalled incessantly about how much they wanted Clinton impeached for “disrespecting” the office of the President.

Welcome to Texas, land of idiots.

The Internet, Social Networks, and the Fallacy of Peer-to-Peer Communication

28 April, 2009 at 4:05 pm | In Adobe, U-Verse, culture, eHow, experts, idiot, peer-to-peer, social networks | Leave a Comment

I don’t know about you, but wherever I turn these days I see “peer-to-peer forums” and “online communities” and “open innovation.” Well, sure, they’re not the same things, and yet they do share some common characteristics; central to which is the theory that if one asks a question of everyone in the world, someone out there is bound to have the right answer. The buzz a few months ago was open innovation (see InnoCentive); wherein a multidisciplinary cadre of bright minds would incubate solutions to problems in completely different fields. It sounds fascinating – and, at least according to the company’s PR, it works.

That’s not what I want to discuss, however – I want to discuss the poor man’s version, so-called “peer-to-peer” forums. More than anything else, they’re a sneaky way for a company to abrogate its responibilities for customer support by passing it off to its fan base. If you’ve used Intuit’s TurboTax product in recent years, you’ve seen such a forum – “ask the community,” it’s called. The great unwashed form a social network and lend their expertise – usually garnering “ego-boo points” for answering many questions; sometimes getting additional points when their answer is chosen as the “best” by the person who posed the question (a puzzling thought – but more on that later).  So what’s wrong? you wonder…

Have a look at a few such forums of various flavors:

eHow.com – if you look through my back list, you can see it’s not my favorite site. People “earn” money for advice, and the more advice one gives, the more money one makes. It’s also social, with little mini-forums and friend lists and the like; but the core is the advice pieces. Not to put too great a spin on it, but a lot of the advice is bogus or simply paraphrased from another source (what some might call plagiarism). After all, unless one is a genius, eventually one should run out of advice topics, right? but some eHowians never seem to stop.

Yahoo answers – one of those places where people vote on what’s a good answer and the person who asked the question gets to choose the best answer. Excu-u-u-se me! how can someone possibly know what’s the best answer if he had to ask the question in the first place? Overrun with trolls as well, with most questions drawing as many smart-ass replies as serious posts.

Adobe Software Forums – one software company that’s decided to outsource a chunk of its support to its users. You have a fifty-fifty chance of getting a good answer here; about par for the course. Try asking twice from two different accounts to see how the answers vary. Be careful to say nothing whatsoever negative about the company or its products, or you will suffer the flames of Adobe Hell – one has to be strange to like Adobe, and these people show it.

TurboTax Ask the Community – do you really want to risk an IRS audit based on the answers you get from some guy sitting at home downloading porn in one window while he answers tax questions in another? I’m no tax expert, but a third of the answers I’ve seen here are wrong – or at least off-topic – and most of the rest simply cut and paste the relevant IRS forms.

AT&T Uverse Peer-to-Peer Forumsthis bunch puts the “flame” in flaming assholes. Never, never, never suggest that their favorite product is anything less than perfect; for if you do you’ll need asbestos underwear. You’re not going to get any answers here, either, so don’t bother.

Social Networking is supposed to be the next big thing, and that’s what this is all about – bringing eyes to a site so that one can sell more software, advertising, and the like. However, these networks spawn numerous problems, among which are

  • an “us against them” mentality that creates and reinforces insular attitudes, and
  • competition to become more “expert” in whatever the topic, all too often demonstrating the Peter Principle

Social Networking may be fine when it comes to flirting and sharing one’s personal hopes and tragedies, but these five examples demonstrate that once you start asking people to be smart, it’s at best hit-ot-miss. More often, it’s just plain “miss.”

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Can’t Steer You Wrong: a Shit is a Shit is a Shit…

31 March, 2008 at 11:15 am | In culture, fraternities, illinois | Leave a Comment
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A local fraternity held a pretty apropos event over the weekend: the boys marked part of their house’s lawn into a grid, rented themselves some portable temporary fence, and imported a cow (well, looking the photograph, a youngish steer). The boys of Alpha Epsilon Pi sold rights to the squares to other Hellenic types and then eagerly awaited the inevitable results of “Jori’s” morning grazing: the cash pot would go to the owner of the first square splattered with bovine doodoo. Oh, and some of the money raised was for charity – though probably not the ASPCA.

Problem being that, apparently, none of those suburban Chicago frat boys knew beans about fencing. You guessed it, Jori got loose and then led a dozen or so of the bros on a merry chase through the streets of Champaign, Illinois. There’s been no word on whether anyone was singing the theme song from “Rawhide” at the time, however. Keep movin’, movin’, movin’ / Though they’re disapprovin’ / Keep them dogies movin’ / Rawhide!

The “shit on a square” idea’s nothing new, of course: Ginny’s Longhorn Saloon in Austin has held “Chicken Shit Sunday” for years, though to my knowledge the chicken’s never gotten loose and terrorized coeds in the streets around the UT campus. And the local chapter of AEPi admits they got the idea from a brother chapter in Maryland.

However, given that University of Illinois is the state’s Agriculture school, one would think that at least one of the brothers would know someone who could control the rather smallish bovine, not to mention that a “Daily Illini” staff writer might know someone who could tell the difference between male and female cattle – especially from the rear. Calling the animal in the photograph a “her” is udderly ridiculous, believe you me…

If the brothers want to stage their event again next year, they may want to strategize a change in format. Instead of cattle, perhaps the fraternity should hand a freshman member a fifth of Jägermeister and pay out on the site of first Technicolor yawn. Or maybe just pass one of the locals some bottled water and pay out for the square where he chucks the empty. There’s gotta be something better than bull shit.

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